Writer #3: Crastination

In the past I generally had a lot of fun putting together proposals for
new client projects. I’m looking forward to doing it this time too, as I
just got off a call with what I’ll call “a whale of a client”, but more on
that later. When you know, I’m ready to work.

What I’m talking about here is the art of Crastination. It’s a new word.
Because I’m convinced that what I have just done has never been
done before. Yes, in the past several hours I have lifted this old art to
unprecedented heights, achieved levels of excellence heretofore
considered impossible by all but the maddest of dreamers. For it is a
demanding master, this art of Crastination. It is not for the faint of
heart. There are a three distinct phases to the art:

Phase 1 – PreCrastination. A new word for a new concept. This is the
stage that lays the groundwork. To prepare for the proposal I awoke
early. I set my alarm for 7:30am fully intending to begin reviewing my
notes, by 9am in my office. I believed the lag time between awaking
and the starting hour would give me plenty of opportunity for classic
phase-two multi-untasking.

I used a combination of the big breakfast gambit & the new PS4 I had
installed in the study. My wife came in at 10:10am just when I was
deep into this part of the process with the seventh level of Crash
Bandicoot. (I do love the classics!) “I thought you were going to work”
she said. I don’t believe she understood the seriousness of what I was
attempting. I finished my gaming well in time to get with my
retartgeted start time of 11am. That’s when I moved into…

Phase 2: Classic Pro-Crastination. You think you know this term. But
you don’t not really. This is not old fashioned putting things off we’re
talking about here. With it’s new hyphen this is Professional
Crastination, nothing more, nothing less. For this stage of the dance I
selected three old favorites:

  • Calling my mother to say hello.
  • Chatting on slack with my F3 buddies.
  • Backing up my data files.

Together they took me to nearly 12:30pm. Five hours after I awoke
with the intention to work.

Phase Three: Post-Crastination. Brand new territory, accessible only to
those who have taken the first two steps to their exhausted conclusion
and are still not ready to give up and do a little work.

I don’t quite remember what I did while I was Post-Crastinating.
Everything gets kind of black there for awhile, as it was nearing 3am
now. There was bowling on Hulu. Bowling is the most important sport
for Post-Crastintators. I sat with the bowling for a long, long time.

And then, suddenly it was over. The road ahead looked clear. This
crisis had passed! I was ready to prepare the proposal.

One thought on “Writer #3: Crastination

  1. Pingback: TheMuggo Writing Contest: Final Results and Standings – The Muggo.

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